Category: Arabs

A New Year’s Resolution for Israel

Today is the secular new year.  In Israel, fittingly but quite strange for me, they say “shanah tovah”, the typical Jewish greeting for Rosh Hashanah- the Jewish New Year.  It’s a fun night of celebration and also a chance to think of what’s ahead.

For me, this week marks my 6 month anniversary of arriving in Israel.  I’ve learned so much in such a little amount of time.  I’ve visited over 35 cities.  I’ve been to Hasidic dance parties, Mizrachi concerts, dabke dancing, Israeli folk dancing, Yiddish theater, a Russian puppet show, and a Yemenite concert.  I’ve eaten Bukharian, Moroccan, Persian, Ashkenazi, Romanian, Druze, Arab, Kavkazi, Georgian, Indian, Iraqi, Lebanese, Eritrean, Filipino, and so many other types of food.  I’ve davvened with Haredim, Reform Jews, Chabad, and hippie vegan Jews.  I visited a Druze shrine and a Karaite synagogue.  I got to watch Islamic prayer up close and personal in a mosque and I went to an LGBT Orthodox Torah study group.

Not bad for the half year mark!  I’m quite proud of all my accomplishments- moving across the ocean alone, making friends, finding an apartment, adjusting to a new culture, and using all nine of my languages and starting to add Greek!

There has been a lot of stress along the way.  Israel is an extraordinarily hard place to live- or so say Sabras who grew up here.  And while sometimes they exaggerate because whining here is kind of a national sport (and they don’t know much about the challenges faced by people elsewhere), the truth is in many ways they’re right.  And it’s all the more difficult for someone like me who moved here at 31 without an extensive support network.

What’s hardest about life in Israel is also the source of my New Year’s resolution.  The hardest part of life in Israel is the people.  More specifically, the intense and mean-spirited prejudice I experience on almost a daily basis.  Towards me as an American and towards other cultures- especially within Israel.  Don’t get me wrong- there are some fantastic people here, who mostly join me in complaining about the awful ones.  But boy- there is a mean streak to Israeli culture that I haven’t seen elsewhere in the world.  It’s not because I haven’t seen prejudice elsewhere- I’ve experienced it in places like Spain (anti-Semitism), Argentina (homophobia), and the U.S. (all of the above).

The difference in Israel is the intensity and the degree to which many people here celebrate judging others.  I’m someone who deeply values multiculturalism.  I’m well aware that there are limits to it and questions about how far it should extend.  But the basic principle of respecting- at times embracing- parts of every culture to me is second nature and a fundamental way I live in the world.  The good news is Israel is chock full of interesting cultures.  Sadly, that most Israelis know nothing about- and don’t care to appreciate.  While some Israelis are curious about Berlin or America, few are particularly curious about their neighbors who look or talk differently from them.  Let alone their own roots.

The truth is when the State of Israel was being built, its founders despised (and that is not too strong a word) multiculturalism.  Yiddish, Ladino, Judeo-Arabic- these languages were vigorously and shamefully repressed by the state.  Kids grew up with shame about their roots.  And sadly some 2,000 year old beautiful Jewish cultures are going extinct as a result.

The un-rootedness of many Sabras fosters insecurity and prejudice towards those who maintain their heritage.  Just ask many a Sabra what they think of French Jews or Russians who continue to speak their languages here.

There has been somewhat of a resurgence in interest in cultural diversity, but it needs to be nourished.  And that’s where I- and you- come in.  There are Israelis like me who are proud of our origins.  There are Israelis- I’ve met them- who realize you can speak fluent Hebrew and still maintain (or re-learn) your French or Russian or Arabic or Romanian.  There are many who don’t realize that because they’ve been trained to revile the Diaspora.  And that’s very sad.

But in the end, I believe in multiculturalism and I’m convinced there are some people here who are ready to join me in this movement.  I want to celebrate the incredible cultural richness here- of Jews, of Arabs, of refugees, of everyone.  It is a gift that must be cherished to be protected.

It is no longer acceptable to me that when I tell my Sabra friends that I met Aramaic-speaking Christians or Samaritans who speak Ancient Hebrew or Eritreans with an awesome juice bar that their reaction is: “wow I didn’t know that was there- you’ve seen more here in 6 months than I’ve seen in a lifetime!”

Bullshit.  Time to get off your hummus-filled tuchus and get to know the richness of your country.  No- not the high-tech.  The cultural treasures right underneath your nose waiting to be discovered.

It’s time to leave behind the old-fashioned Zionist concept of the “effeminate”, “decadent”, “overly pious”, “cosmopolitan”, “weak” Diaspora Jew.  It’s 2018, time for a change.  It’s time to realize the “Diaspora” is The World.  And lucky for us, a whole bunch of people from all over the world have made this country their home.

Now it’s time to realize that if we understand where we came from, our cultures, our heritage- it doesn’t negate our Israeli identity.  It thoroughly enriches it.  Just like my delicious cover photo of Pringles, Russian sweets, Korean seaweed, and Israeli Bissli that co-exist at my neighborhood store.  Pluralism that begins with culture can increase respect between all sectors of society.  And instead of Jew hating Arab hating Zionist Orthodox hating Haredi hating Secular hating Mizrachi hating Ashkenazi- maybe, just maybe, we build just a little bit more understanding and a lot less hate.

Ken yehi ratzon – may it be God’s will.  Inshallah.  Ojalá.  Mirtsashem.

Let’s do this y’all. 🙂

Dugri: Lost in Translation

There has always been a yawning communication gap between Israelis and Americans- and between Israelis and the world.  Every country and culture has a unique communication style, and in my case, this often leads to challenging interactions with Sabras.  Sabras are Jews who were born and raised in Israel, whereas I’m an oleh- I chose to live here.

The sabra communication style most well known is “dugri”.  Dugri, from an Arabic word (itself of Turkish origin), means “straight talk”.  The word in Arabic means “straight” (like when giving directions), “fair” (like an arbiter not choosing sides), or “honest” (truthful words).  In Hebrew, the word means “direct”- but not in the sense of “honest” in Arabic (which is focused on presenting correct objective facts), but rather directly expressing your subjective emotions and opinions, regardless of how they are perceived.

In Israel, this means less pleasantries, less consideration, less politeness, more tough love, more controversial statements, and more blunt judgments.

There are ideological roots to this communication style that have been well-researched.  I highly encourage reading Professor Tamar Katriel’s study, which I’m still working through.  Going back to the early Zionist pioneer days, ideological olim wanted to rid themselves of what they perceived as a “Diaspora mentality” of formality, nuance, and passivity.  Again- this is their perception, not necessarily the facts.  The answer, especially for their sabra children, was to be found in a new, astoundingly direct and informal communication style, itself ironically rooted in German enlightenment philosophy.  I can empathize that building a new national identity was hard and I also think their attitude towards the Diaspora was pretty hateful.

This style, before I deconstruct the hell out of it, has its advantages.  For instance, I’m a very informal person so I like that dugriyut- or speaking dugri- allows me to speculate, to dream, to ponder.  I don’t have to cross my i’s and dot my t’s- I can just roll with it.  It fosters creativity in me.  I also like that I don’t have to think through every word I say for fear of literally losing friendships.  Here, an occasional offensive comment is not going to lose you anything.  When used properly, speaking dugri can reduce some of the feeling of “walking on broken glass” we face in America when communicating.  Also, hearing people’s deep-seated personal prejudices, while valued in Israeli society, for me actually serves as a defense mechanism so I can avoid someone who is actually toxic.  I rarely have to guess what people here think.

Now the flip side.  First things first- I’m a proud Israeli and I’m an American.  My family has lived in the Diaspora for 2,000 years and while I’m glad to be back, I’m not ready to give up the wisdom gained over centuries.  I’m a firm believer that it is not only possible, it is desirable to have more than one culture.  This is an issue Israel has struggled with from the beginning– as do many countries.  I understand- and will continue to learn about- dugri communication but that doesn’t mean I’m going to “negate” my other cultures.

In Hebrew, the ministry that deals with olim is called the “Ministry of Absorption”.  I can’t even imagine a more Orwellian phrase, but let’s work with it.  Yes, to a degree, I came to be absorbed into Israeli society.  But a funny thing happens when your body absorbs something- it changes your composition.  And so much in the same way, I intend not just to be changed, but to change this place.

So what does this mean for dugri talk?  First off, we need to see some of the negative aspects this style can present.  For example, when sabras interact with foreign cultures, including Americans, they often struggle to perceive cultural differences.  Just this week alone, on three separate occasions, Jews here made (what I consider) offensive remarks to me about Americans being “fake” etc.  This is a common sabra complaint- Americans are polite, but insincere when they compliment you.  All the while, I’m sitting there talking with them as an American with ten times better Hebrew than their rrrrresh infected mouths can mumble in my language.

This is endemic of the problem.  Because Israelis are sparse- but quite genuine- with their compliments (as befits dugri talk), anything other than that is seen as insincere.  What they don’t realize is that it’s simply a cultural difference.  When Israelis move abroad and don’t know how to say “please” or “thank you”- or try to say something unacceptably blunt- they lose friends and often struggle to make non-Israeli friends.  This is well-documented by a study done among Israeli migrants to Canada.  Boy if they think Americans are polite, wait till they meet Canadians haha.

The truth is there are fake people and genuine people in every society.  For me, for instance, I encounter some Israeli communication as incredibly insincere- even though it’s just likely just a cultural difference.  For instance, especially in Tel Aviv, when people promote upcoming events (or compliment someone for leading an event), a whole litany of “mehamems” and “madhims” and “nehedars” and “merageshs” come out.  Basically, just a list of how everything is the most amazing awesome best coolest most wonderful thing ever.  It’s enough to make me, as an American, nauseous because it sounds like they’re lying.  But what I’ve come to realize is that there’s probably a cultural component to it.  Rather than calling all sabras fake, I chose to read hours of academic articles and confront the issue meaningfully.

For me, besides the nuisance of Israelis telling me my country (and implicitly perhaps me and my friends there too?) is fake, I have to wonder if there’s a broader cultural problem at work.

Israelis, unlike almost any civilized society I’ve lived in or visited, have completely separate school systems based not only on race/religion, but also what type of religiosity.  There are Arab schools, secular Jewish schools, Modern Orthodox schools, and Haredi schools.  These schools operate completely separately in state-sanctioned (and largely publicly supported) segregation.  There are social reasons for this- I’m not pretending it came out of nowhere.  But the end result is that Israelis rarely if ever interact meaningfully with people from drastically different backgrounds.  And they don’t learn how to understand intercultural communication.  Nor the value that sometimes, just because you think a thought doesn’t mean it’s best to say it out loud.

In 6 months in Israel, I have become a regular in Bnei Brak speaking Yiddish, I have visited half a dozen Arab villages in Arabic, I hung out with Samaritans, I watched Karaites pray, I talked with Armenians (in Arabic!), I blasted Eritrean music with refugees at a juice bar, I tutored a Darfur survivor in English.  And on and on and on.  I know this country much, much better than most of the sabras who’ve lived here their whole lives.  And it’s not because they’re bad people.  I have learned much from my sabra friends.  And they have much to learn from me about their own country.  This is one of the most diverse and exciting places on the planet.  A place I enjoy even more because of my diverse American upbringing.

Now it’s time for me to dish out some dugri talk (see I do like it sometimes!).  Sabras- you’re mostly racist or at best, unappreciative of the diversity that surrounds you.  Your difficulty in communicating across the cultures in your own country reinforces your prejudices- including towards olim.  I’ve lived all over the world, including spending lots of time in the Deep South in the U.S., and this is by far- by far- the most openly hateful society I’ve lived in.  Not just in terms of race, but also in terms of prejudice between different sectors of society (Secular vs. Orthodox, Ashkenazi vs. Mizrachi, etc.).  There are some of the most incredibly kind and hospitable people here too.  It’s just that the level of judgmental speech and behavior is mind boggling and frankly makes me appreciate my American upbringing- and question whether I want to raise my kids here.

In particular, there are times when the secular Ashkenazi liberal elite here sounds like a bunch of American tea partiers who long for the 1950s.  An era in which the government was basically run by a bunch of white men (them), when Holocaust survivors were told they went like “sheep to the slaughter”, when Arabs were under military rule, and Mizrachi Jews lived in impoverished camps.  But at least in the “good old days”, the government was more secular i.e. more like them.  Perhaps not coincidentally it is this same demographic that coined “dugri talk” generations ago.  Language is power.

The key is that every culture has its communication style.  It was hard for me to write a blog that was in English but appropriately non-judgmental for an American and appropriately dugri for an Israeli.  And I’m still learning about Israel even though I speak the language fluently.  I will always be learning.  I recommend all olim- indeed all tourists- learn about Israeli dugri talk.  And sabras- if you care at all about the millions of people living here born in other countries (or your own ability to travel abroad without offending people)- learn about yourselves.  You don’t have to give up your directness but you do need to learn how other cultures work.  Because it’s not that all Americans are fake.  It’s that you’re not self-aware.

Do your homework.  That’s my dugri talk for the day 🙂

p.s.- my cover photo is a paper I used to teach a Swahili-speaking Tanzanian in Holon about Hebrew vowels…via Arabic because she’s an Arabic teacher.  Intercultural communication isn’t a hobby- it’s a lifestyle.  Open your eyes and join the miracle 🙂

Yiddish and Farsi: Kissing Cousins

About two years ago, I decided to take some Farsi lessons.  Having grown up with Persian friends and gone to their plethora of grocery stores and restaurants, I always had a curiosity for the culture.  I also frankly just think the language sounds musical and peaceful.

I found a private tutor but, for a variety of reasons, stopped after a couple months.  The language lay dormant in me (other than talking to lots of cab drivers and some friends).  I kept listening to the infectious music though.

Now that I’m in Israel, I pulled out the textbook I had bought in the States (anticipating I was continuing with the teacher).  I wanted to refresh the language- I have a lot of opportunities to speak it here.  There’s an entire market near my house where store after store is owned by Persians and I like chatting with them.

In my book, I came across something interesting.  The Farsi word for “homework” is “mashgh” spelled مشق.

To me, the root looked Arabic- and I was right.  A high percentage of Farsi words are of Arabic origin, which has helped me learn the language.  Although the language itself is categorized as Indo-European, meaning it is more closely related grammatically to German or English than to Arabic.  As an example, the word “isn’t” in Farsi is “nist”, eerily similar to the German (and Yiddish!) “nisht”.

Back to the word.  So I looked up words from the same root in Arabic and found مشقة.  “Mashaqqah” means “hardship”.  Hmm…this word sounded very familiar to me.

But you’ll be surprised to hear that the word it reminded of was in Yiddish.  “Máshke” משקה is the Yiddish word for drink, but more specifically often used for alcohol.  I know it because I once learned a Yiddish folksong about it!

Lo and behold, this Yiddish word comes from a Hebrew word.  “Mashkéh”, spelled the same way as the Yiddish word, more generally means beverage.  Its plural form even adorns the liquor store near my apartment.

Do all these words come from the same root?  I’m not actually entirely sure, though it seems so.  When words move from one language to the other, pronunciation can change and letters once essential in the original language may disappear.  For example, “Mashaqqah” has two “qafs” (q), whereas in Farsi, mashgh, does not.  I’m not sure why, but that’s how it is with many Arabic words as they migrate into other languages.

And so to from Hebrew to Yiddish (and in some cases back to Hebrew).  The Hebrew word “tachlith” תכלית migrated into Yiddish as “tachlis” (same spelling) and back into Modern Hebrew as “tachles” but spelled how you pronounce it in Yiddish תכל’ס.

So here’s what I find amazing.  First, that my learning of languages helped me explore this fascinating adventure.  Second, that I may have found a word (besides Shalom/Salaam) that in various forms appears in Yiddish, Hebrew, Arabic, and Farsi.  And third, that we are all are far more connected than you might think.

Because while many know Arabic and Hebrew are closely related (about 60% from the same roots), so too are Yiddish and Farsi.  Meaning there are two Jewish and two predominantly Muslim languages that are related!

How so?  First, both Yiddish and Farsi are unique- they are Indo-European languages with strong Semitic overlays.  For Yiddish, that means tons of words from Hebrew and Aramaic.  And for Farsi, that means Arabic influence.

For instance, the English word “is” is “hast” in Farsi and “iz” in Yiddish- all three of which are related.  None of which are close to the non-existent present tense “to be” in Arabic and Hebrew.

Not only that, but the ways in which Semitic words are incorporated into the languages are often identical.  For instance, when making compound verbs, the noun comes from the Semitic language and the verb comes from the Indo-European root to make a new verb.

For instance, in Yiddish “khasene hobn” חתונה האבן means “to get married”.  Khasene, pronounced in Modern Hebrew “chatunah” means wedding.  And it is paired with the Germanic element “hobn” meaning “to have”.  To have a wedding, there you go.

Now in Farsi, the same thing happens.  The verb “harf zadan” حرف زدن means “to speak”.  The first word, harf, is from the Arabic word for “letter”.  The second word, the verb of the verb, is the Persian word “to slap”.  To slap a letter?  To speak!  There you go.

Similar processes happen with regards to phonetics, to pronunciation.  Words from the Semitic languages often are pronounced differently in Yiddish and Farsi than how they’d be pronounced in Hebrew and Arabic- even when they’re written identically.  Shalom in Yiddish is sholem (or shulem) and salaam in Arabic is salam in Farsi.

Understanding how this process happens in Farsi later made it easier for me to learn Yiddish.  That’s right- Farsi helped me learn Yiddish.  And having the foundation in Hebrew and Arabic made it easier for me to learn both languages.

Bottom line?  While Farsi and Yiddish seem worlds apart, they are perhaps more closely related to each other in some ways than to other languages you might expect.  They share unique characteristics, and do so in style 🙂 .  While the world sees Iran and Israel as enemies and while in Israel, Mizrachim and Ashkenazim never miss an opportunity to demean each other’s cultures- the truth is we’re all related.

Don’t take my word for it- pick up a dictionary, find a teacher, and unlock the secrets that language has to teach you.  Even about yourself.

How to fall in love with a language

Hey everyone!  So I’m a polyglot- a multilingual guy.  I speak English, Spanish, Hebrew, Arabic, Portuguese, French, Catalan, Yiddish- all well enough to hold multi-hour conversations and I can read and write.  I’m not putzing around- I wrote my 50 page senior thesis in Spanish and have been interviewed on Catalan TV, and have similar examples for all my languages.  In addition, I speak intermediate Farsi which I’m refreshing here in Israel and have taken some initial courses in Basque, Hindi, Chinese, Japanese, Irish, and Greek.

I learn quickly.  Although I’ve taken some group classes, I much prefer private tutors (I also am one if you’re looking to learn!).  I can go at my pace, with my questions, and don’t have to slow down my learning.  To give you an idea, my entire coursework in Modern Hebrew consisted of about 150 hours of private lessons and two college classes (90 hours total).  So, all in all, I formally studied Hebrew for 240 hours and I never did ulpan.

Before making aliyah, I had only been to Israel twice- once on Birthright and a second time as a camp counselor for the Israeli Reform Movement.  I have no Israeli relatives and grew up in an English-speaking household- none of my relatives have ever even been to Israel.

And I speak the language fluently enough that the times where I don’t understand something, Sabras yell at me because they think I’m being obstinate.  They assume I’m one of them or have lived here for many years rather than five months.

So how did I learn the language?  And how did I learn my other languages?

I get this question a lot.  Sometimes, it’s frustrating to talk about.  I really just enjoy learning and using my languages without explaining myself or being asked to do party tricks like “how do you say ____ in _____?”  Sometimes this is even followed up with attempts to correct me- even when they barely (if at all) speak the language in question.  I once had an American Jew correct me on my “Palestinian Arabic”…only for me to tell him that I was speaking Syrian.   The point is I never wanted to participate in this game show in the first place.  I’m not here to entertain you- I’m a human being.

Then there are the real assholes who want to know why I’d learn a minority language like Catalan or Yiddish.  I think in this case it’s fair to say the issue is not with the language- it’s with the people who speak it.  And the people asking me this question don’t much care for them.  I’ve even had people tell me (after they ask me to list my 8 languages) that I need to broaden my horizons and learn Chinese or Russian.  Without even acknowledging the eight I speak- or that they only speak two.

Then there are the people who want to know why I’ve studied languages (a strange question- kind of like asking someone why they studied the violin).  I usually just say because I love them and because they enrich my life.  But for some people, that’s not an acceptable answer.  They want to know why I don’t work for the CIA or FBI or army or somewhere else they wish I worked.

All of us have talents- one of mine is languages.  But let’s just try to respect each other’s gifts rather than finding a way to “take people down a notch” or tell them how to live their lives.  It makes you look small, not me.

So here’s the truth: I love languages because they make me happy.  As my Catalan teacher once told me: “cada llengua és una riquesa” – every language is a source of richness.  When I learn a new language, I embrace new music, food, culture, history, sociology, and- perhaps most importantly- friends.  I also learn about myself and my identity.  I can’t tell you how much richer my Judaism is because I can read about it in French and Spanish and Arabic and Yiddish etc etc.  And I can learn from the experiences of other minority communities like Catalans and Quebecois.

I overcome my own (and other people’s) prejudices and I add a whole new dimension to my identity.  When you speak to someone in their language, their heart opens up.  It’s a completely different experience.  So again, fellow Jewish Israelis, stop resting on your (Hebrew) laurels and learn Arabic and you’ll see that your relationship with your Arab neighbors will change.  For the better.  It’s respect, it’s honor, it’s love, it’s kindness- it’s great.

So here’s the real key to learning languages: fall in love with them.  When you love something, you do it all the time.  Every chance I get to speak any of my languages- I take it.  Could be my Bedouin cab driver, a French Jewish tourist, Israeli friends back in the U.S., my Syrian Jewish neighbors, the Christian Arab photographer I met up north, a bunch of Latino Jews I met at a pub- you name it.  I love love love my languages so when I’m not in a classroom, I’m finding tons of ways to practice- while smiling and having a good time and always learning.

The best way to be great at something is to enjoy it.  Personally, I’m not a big fan of gyms.  So I don’t really go now.  But I love to dance- and it’s also great healthy movement.  So I do more of it and soon enough, you find yourself in a positive feedback loop and taking care of your body.  That’s how I feel with language- the more I speak, the better I get, the more fun I have, the more I want to learn.

Do I “have an ear for language”?  Probably- when I’m really “in the zone” speaking Arabic up north, Arabs ask me if I’m Lebanese or Syrian.  And I only took six semesters of Arabic.  BUT.  But speaking a language is not just some innate gene.  Just like a musician, even if they have a “knack” for music, must study and practice, so too must someone learning a language.  It’s just that I happen to like learning and practicing so it has become an essential part of my life- thank God!

So long story short- you want to learn a new language?  You want to explore new cultures and really connect with people as equals?  Awesome!  Find the things that attract you to that language and learn.  Pick up a history book (even in your own language).  Scroll through music on Youtube- even if you don’t understand.  Find something that animates you and run with it.

And seriously- stop asking me if you can learn a language on DuoLingo, it is an app not a teacher.  I suppose if you want to learn some new vocabulary words to supplement your study it could be helpful, but otherwise stop kidding yourself.  If you don’t think you can learn to play the cello on a free mobile app, then the same goes for languages.  DuoLingo is a tool- not a human being.  Human beings speak languages and if people aren’t somehow a part of your language learning, then you won’t learn.  You’ll make mistakes (as I have- and continue to do and laugh at and learn from).  The point is not to get everything “perfect”- the point is to communicate!

As Pablo Neruda said: “Conocer el amor de los que amamos es el fuego que alimenta la vida.”  To know the love of those we love is the fire that fuels life.

Love your language.  Love the people that speak it.  And let them love you.  And soon enough, you’ll find yourself like I did- speaking Catalan, Spanish, English, and Hebrew to a Russian Israeli Jew.  In a cafe at Orthodox college.  Aren’t you curious? 🙂

The most diverse Israeli day ever

Today, I did too many things to write a story.  So I’m going to list them:

-I spent a train ride talking in French with an Orthodox Jew of Moroccan origins who immigrated from France.

-I hung out in an underground pool with arches built in 789 by the Abbasid Caliphate in a boat.  And then I wrote an Arabic poem while inside!

-I met Peruvian (Jews?) and talked in Spanish about my friend Claudia who did Peace Corps in Peru.

-I visited a church from the 1200’s with a super hot Arab security guard whose smile and kindness melted my heart.  Can you say “return visit”?

-I bought a CD of Iraqi music in Arabic sung by an Iraqi-Israeli Jew back in the day who was born in Iraq- for 10 shekels!

-I talked about Ethiopian music and Sigd in a store covered in Amharic and Hebrew signs.

-I watched Karaite Jews pray Ma’ariv evening prayers.  Most of them are of Egyptian origin, so I chatted with them in Syrian and they responded in Egyptian Arabic.

-I made friends with an Israeli soldier when our trains got messed up and delayed and we had to switch lines.

-I did dinner in a mixture of Hebrew, English, and French with a Sabra and a French non-Jewish PhD student…whose family is from Guadeloupe!   We talked about our shared love of Zouk.

-I danced dabke for easily three hours with young Arab students.  A German exchange student came and I helped a talented dancer in a hijab translate dabke instructions into English (and a little Yiddish, which he can largely understand!).

-I then hung out with said wonderful German exchange student for another three hours walking around Tel Aviv and talking about life here.  He is one of the most open-minded, non-judgmental, kind people I’ve met here.  He’s not Jewish and I couldn’t imagine that a non-Jewish German would make my night…in Tel Aviv!

-Thinking no more cultural richness was possible, I hopped into a cab.  The Israeli man turned on the music (without lyrics) and asked me to guess where it was from.  Within 5 seconds I said “Thailand!”  I love Thai music and used to buy it at the Thai grocery store back home.  He was shocked.  His wife is Thai and he lives in Thailand with his children, only coming back to Israel to care for his parents.  He speaks fluent Thai- as do his biracial children.  He was mightily impressed that my favorite Thai dish is Pad See Ew- he says everyone says Pad Thai!

This is what I have to say- today I spoke English, Hebrew, Arabic, Spanish, French, and Yiddish.  Just last week I also spoke Catalan, Portuguese, and Farsi (with both Persians and Bukharans).  If you have the curiosity, the passion, and the will- you can experience more cultures here than you can count.  I live in a neighborhood where I regularly meet Iraqis and Moroccans and Syrians (Jews) and Burmese and Sudanese and Eritreans (non-Jews)- I even had someone tell me her friend is half Ghanaian half Filipina.

When people find out I’m a polyglot, they often tell me “what do you do with your languages?”  Sometimes it feels accusatory- “why aren’t you making a ton of money off of them?  Why aren’t you working for the government or the military or the CIA?”

You know what?  What I do with my languages is what I did today.  I explored ancient civilizations, made new friends, learned about other cultures, danced, sang, wrote poetry, and built bridges of peace.  I felt happy 🙂

If you can show me something more valuable or enriching than that, be my guest.

In the meantime, I’m just happy to live in one of the most diverse countries on the planet.  Where the combination of things I did today is only possible here.  One person today said to me “but honestly what is there to see in Ramle?”- one of today’s destinations.

The answer: “everything, if you’d just open your mind.”

Be a good Israeli and learn Arabic

Today I had some phenomenal experiences in Israel- only because I speak Arabic. Rather than write a post with facts and figures about why my fellow Israelis should learn the language, I’m going to simply share my story.

This afternoon, I stopped by a sandwich shop.  While the chef made me a chicken in pita sandwich, I asked him where in the neighborhood I could buy a notebook.  He said he was new to the area so he didn’t know.  I told him I was new too.  He lives in North Tel Aviv but happens to work at this restaurant a couple days a week, only as of recently.

After explaining I was an oleh chadash, a newly-minted Israeli, he welcomed me and asked where I was from.  I then asked him what his family’s origin was.  Turns out he’s Moroccan and moved to Israel when he was very young.  Not looking more than 35 years old, I was stunned.  Most Moroccan Jews in Israel moved during the 1950s.  He even grew up speaking Moroccan at home- something rare among young Israelis.  We switched to Arabic.  I told him how cool it was to talk to a Jew in Arabic.  In America, where 90% of Jews are Ashkenazi, it’s almost unthinkable to find a native Arabic speaker in your synagogue.  And yet here I was talking with a 35 year old Moroccan Jew in Arabic.

Wrong.  Amir (pseudonym) is Moroccan but, to the surprise of probably everyone reading this, is Muslim.  And not a convert- a Muslim by birth.

How did we get here?  So first off, Amir tells me he grew up in Tira.  I’ve heard of Tira before and I did some googling to double check- yes, in fact, it is an Arab town.  It’d be quite out of the ordinary to find Moroccan Jews living in the middle of an Arab village here.  In addition, while many Moroccans can get by in Levantine Arabic (the dialect I speak along with Arab-Israelis/Palestinians), he had a strong facility with the language and didn’t revert to any Moroccan-isms.  I’m familiar with some because several of my college Arabic professors were Moroccan.

So finally I asked him: “Tira is an Arab village- are you Jewish?”  I figured maybe, working in the neighborhood we were in, he might be afraid to reveal his identity.  He then told me he wasn’t Jewish but was most certainly Moroccan.  So then the obvious question- how on earth did he get here?  For those of you unfamiliar, Israel and Morocco don’t even have mutual embassies, let alone coordinated immigration policies.

At this point, there’s a Jewish Israeli sitting in the cafe too.  Moshe is of Moroccan descent, but barely speaks the language.  But of course, even though Amir had told me over and over how great my Arabic was, this other shmo had to tell me I don’t speak like an Arab- which is bullshit because I have a great accent.  Like most insecure people, he chose to take his own identity issues out on me (look for a future blog on Mizrachi identity).

Noticing the other patron, Amir turns away from him and leans in to tell me: “It’s a secret, but my family worked with the Israeli government and that’s why we were able to come.”

Wow.  First of all, I have absolutely no way to verify it.  But in the interest of protecting his privacy, I did use a pseudonym and will not reveal the restaurant.  I do have to say though that after having talked for about an hour, he seemed like a legit guy and I don’t have any reason to question what he said.

As I headed out from the restaurant, we gave each other a smile and a hearty “ma3 asalaameh”.  Nice to make a new friend!

Still in shock and full of adrenaline, I walked through Tel Aviv until I found myself hungry again.  This time, I popped into a Cofix, a cafe here, and no joke, I hear my favorite Egyptian pop song.  It’s something that’s literally on my phone right now.

Seeing as how almost no Arabs live in the center of Tel Aviv, I was pleasantly surprised.  I went in and addressed the young man in Arabic: “hey, is this your music?”  He looked a bit confused.  So I switched to Hebrew.  And it turns out, yes this is his music.

I switched back to Arabic but found he only understood about half of what I was saying.  And not because, like Moshe thought, I “can’t speak like an Arab”.  Rather, it’s because he’s not Arab- he’s Jewish!

What?!?  Ok so this kid, Nir, his family is Syrian.  His parents speak Syrian Arabic at home- the exact dialect I speak.  He grew up with it and in his own words “is in love with Arabic”.  Which is why he blares the music in his cafe in the middle of Tel Aviv.

I asked him if he understood the song.  He said his Arabic isn’t so strong but he wants to learn.  I told him I could teach him.  He was confused- how does an American Jew become Israeli know Syrian Arabic?  And why not just Modern Standard Arabic?  I explained that I studied with a Syrian professor from Damascus in college- in the United States.  He thought I was kidding but then I started speaking to him in Syrian again and he realized I was the real deal.  He took my number- I hope he calls and I can connect him to his heritage.  You could digest that sentence for a lifetime.

Before I left I asked the second barista if he understood the song.  He could pass for Arab, but it turns out he was Jewish.  He said he thought it was about peace.  What a beautiful sentiment.  In a day and age when many Israelis and Americans would assume the worst of a song in Arabic, this young kid, smack in the middle of Tel Aviv, assumes it’s about peace.  It just touched my heart.

I told the kids the song was actually about encouraging people to vote in the Egyptian elections.  I explained some of the verses and they were eager to learn.

So here we were- three Jews, one Ashkenazi American, one Syrian, and one from who knows where.  Sitting in Israel, listening to Egyptian music, babbling in a mixture of Hebrew and Arabic.

If there’s one thing I can take from today it’s that where Jewish starts and Arab ends isn’t so clear.  Just like the bilingual script in my cover photo.  When coming to Israel, the absolute best thing you can do is to leave your assumptions at the door.  And the second best thing you can do is to learn a language so filled with love and art and history that you’ll be bursting at the seems making new friends from every race and religion.  And that language, my friends, is Arabic.

Saudi Country Music

Yes, that’s right- tonight, I heard country music on a Saudi radio station.  It took me by total surprise.  It just goes to show that the Middle East is a whole lot more diverse than you might think- and a whole lot more interesting that you’ll find out by reading the news!

Today I had a very productive day.  On my way back from the mall (man is it cool to see a mall all in Hebrew!  Never had that as a kid!), I switched on an app on my phone and started listening to Arabic music.  Last night, I listened to Syrian radio- to an entire evening of the majestic Fairouz.  The host’s greeting in Arabic was adorable: “Masa’ Fairouz, Masa’ al kheyr” – A Fairouz evening, A good evening!  Listeners even called in from all corners of Syria.  It was surreal to be listening to the radio station just north of the border- of a country in the midst of a horrifying civil war and a country I cannot legally visit.

Tonight, I decided to give the Saudi stations a try.  At first, there were the typical and beautiful rhythms of khaleeji music– music from the Persian Gulf.  Gulf Arabic music sounds quite different from Egyptian, Lebanese, or Moroccan music.  Each one has its beautiful elements.

Then I started to get nervous.  The announcer said in a grave tone in the Saudi dialect: “once upon a time, we were great.  We were revered and respected.  Now what?”  Holy shit, I thought, this is going to be a depressing news story about the latest political intrigue in Saudi Arabia.  But instead the next sentence shocked me and made me giggle: “a few days ago we were defeated by Portugal 3-0.  What are we going to do about our soccer team?”

Just goes to show that things aren’t always what we expect 😉

Speaking of which, I switched to another Saudi station.  Expecting more Arabic jazz, I instead got some American country song filled with y’alls and drawls.  In complete shock, I continued listening as pop songs followed rap songs followed, both male and female artists singing.

Curious what else I’d find, I hopped on another station (found an angry preacher) then another (beautiful Quranic chanting) and two Indian music stations from Dubai and then I visited Jordan.  The Jordanian radio station was playing something oddly familiar.  The beat- it wasn’t Arabic- it was…reggaeton.  That’s cool, I thought, it’s not just Israel that 20 years after the fact discovered reggaeton music I grew up on.  Our neighbors like it too.

In fact, they like it so much, they’re now mixing it with Arabic music!  A quick YouTube search for “Arabic reggaeton” will reveal a boatload of songs.  It is catchy and fun and I highly recommend trying it out.

People love to hate on technology.  It’s ruining society.  Young people don’t know how to socialize.  It’s no replacement for human interaction.  Yada, yada, yada.

Some of the critiques are valid, others are the same stupid stuff people said when the printing press was invented.  The point is technology is like anything else in life- it’s about how you use it.

For me, I’d love to be able to go to Syria and Saudi Arabia.  And I hope to visit Jordan sometime soon, although if we’re totally honest it can be challenging both as a queer person and an Israeli.  I’m sad that for political reasons I can’t- and I’m sad in particular for the people of Syria who are suffering.  I’m also sad because Saudi Arabia doesn’t look like it’s headed for a lot of long-term stability either.  I’m sad because in every country in the world there are good people I’d like to meet- and who’d like to meet me.  Of course there are fire and brimstone clerics (we have a few in Israel) and mean people and bigots, but there are good people out there too.  Complicated people.  People I can learn from- and teach.

So this is what I have to say: I’m not going to wait until the borders open between Israel and countries like Syria and Saudi Arabia.  I’m going to use technology to get to know my neighbors as best I can.  Why shouldn’t I enrich my life with the treasures their cultures have to offer?  I’m sure somewhere in Riyadh there’s a kid secretly listening to pirated Mizrachi music.  If you think that’s naive, you need to do your homework.  As the phrase goes, “we’re all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars”.

As I walked down the streets of South Tel Aviv, I’m sure there are people I passed by who would utterly disapprove of me listening to Saudi Quranic chanting or Syrian pop.  That’s the music of Arabs, of the enemy.  Those people hate us.

But I bet there are more than a few people who have held on to their Middle Eastern roots.  Who if I pumped up the volume loud enough, might join in and even dance.  Because the beauty of South Tel Aviv is that the people who live here- the music they blare every morning when I wake up.  It’s so utterly and deeply Middle Eastern that you don’t know where the Umm Kulthum starts and the Omer Adam ends.

All Middle Eastern countries are more diverse than you might suspect.   I speak Arabic so I actually know what my neighbors are saying- and it’s interesting.

I live in a country built on a miracle, on a 2,000 year old pipe dream that came true.  And while people are reading and re-reading Ha’aretz and Yisrael Hayom and the New York Times, I’m practicing my southern drawl.  Because one day, by the grace of God, I’m going to hop on a plane, get my passport stamped, and listen to Kenny Chesney play Riyadh.

Ken yehi ratzon.  May it be so. 🙂

The biggest threat to Israel

There are many threats to Israel- terrorism, nuclear weapons, earthquakes, poverty, diminishing water resources.  You name it.  But for me, the biggest threat facing Israel is one word: invalidation.

First, let’s start with what the word validation means.  Validation does not mean agreement and it doesn’t mean love.  Validation means showing empathy and understanding where someone else is coming from.  How the conditions of their life have informed their views and even if you see the world differently, you can get a glimpse of why they are the way they are.  Even if, in the end, they may be too difficult for you to be friends with.  It’s a difficult skill and an extremely useful one for living an effective life.

Validation is useful for building healthy relationships.  And its opposite, invalidation, is how you destroy them.  All of us invalidate sometimes- we judge, we mock, we belittle.  Maybe other than Buddha himself, I don’t think there’s a single human being who never judges.  However, there are degrees of invalidation.  Invalidation is when we say harmful, hurtful things to (or about) people.  She’s ugly.  I’m fat.  My neighbor’s a dumb ars.  That Orthodox woman is frumpy.  That gay guy must be a pill-popping slut.  That Haredi man is a fanatical homophobe.  That Arab is only good for making falafel- he probably wants to throw us into the sea.

Israelis have a serious problem when it comes to judging both themselves and others.  Judging has been a part of Jewish culture since the Torah- the Bible isn’t exactly Zen Buddhism.  But I remain fairly convinced that the sometimes mind-numbingly intense judgments that I hear here are also a product of trauma.  When someone is traumatized or experiences intense pain, unless and until that person heals, it is common for people to pass that trauma onto others.  That is why it is so common to see families- generation after generation- experiencing abuse.  It’s also why I distanced myself from toxic relatives and broke a chain of toxicity to build a better life.

If you think of the Jews who’ve come to this land, it hasn’t usually been for happy reasons.  Ashkenazim escaping pogroms.  More Ashkenazim escaping the Holocaust.  Holocaust survivors escaping post-war pogroms (yes, you read that right- Europeans continued butchering Holocaust survivors after the war).  A huge percentage of Ashkenazim here are descendants of Holocaust survivors- including almost every Hasidic Jew.

Mizrachim escaped their own pogroms from Morocco to Yemen- only to find their property confiscated by Arab governments.  And then, upon arriving in Israel, they were put into impoverished refugee camps.  Russian Jews fled the Soviet Union (where their religion was banned) and its chaotic aftermath.  The U.S.S.R. was a government so antisemitic it literally has its own Wikipedia article about how antisemitic it was.  Persian Jews fled the Ayatollah, French Jews fled (and still flee) antisemitic terror and discrimination, and even today there are American Jews like me escaping rising antisemitism and white supremacy in the United States.  The list goes on and on and on and on.  And it has a 2,000 year old antisemitic backstory.

And when these Jews arrived in Israel, while many were grateful for a safe haven, their cultures were often decimated in the name of Jewish cohesion in the nascent state.  Ashkenazim were told to stop speaking Yiddish (police even raided Yiddish theaters- an unforgivable thought when you think that the spectators were likely Holocaust survivors).  I even remember a survivor telling me that when she arrived to Israel from Poland after the Holocaust, Sabras would call her and her mom “sabonim”- “soap”.  That was to make fun of the “weak” Diaspora Jews who the Nazis reportedly turned into bars of soap.  Mizrachim were also pressured to give up their languages, their music, their culture- which to many Sabras seemed a bit too much like the (Arab) enemy.  To this day, they continue to have significantly lower average incomes than Ashkenazim.  And every single Israeli Prime Minister has been Ashkenazi, unless you count some recently discovered Sephardic genes in Bibi’s DNA.

With these examples, we’re literally just scratching the surface with Jews.  And it’s worth saying that the Arab population here has suffered its own traumas- of wars, of discrimination, of terrorism (yes, Israeli Arabs are also attacked by terrorists), of families divided across borders, and more.

Add to this 70 years of on-and-off warfare, and you can understand why Israel has three times the rate of PTSD as the United States.

So when a fellow Israeli is harsh to me.  When they say something mean and judgmental- about me, about another community, about themselves- I understand.  I don’t by any means justify it- I think it’s harmful and if we’re going to thrive as a society, this must change.  And sometimes I frankly have to protect myself by distancing myself from their toxicity.  And I get it.  Israelis have been through a lot.  And not everyone is healing.  It took me a while to get to this understanding- but this is the ultimate validation.  I don’t personally agree with being racist or hateful- I just know that if someone got to that point, there’s something causing it and I hope they choose a different path.

Many Israelis complain to me about American “politeness”.  They think Americans are fake- when they smile, when they say thank you, when they do a whole variety of quotidian acts that make up American culture.  On the one hand, I get it- there are times when Americans can be exceedingly formal.  It can be hard to gauge if someone really likes you- or what they think.

At the same time, I remember what one Israeli friend said to me: “I don’t like that in America they’re all the time worried about whether they’re hurting you.”  To this I say- you’re not talking about politeness anymore.  You’re talking about consideration.  You’re talking about kindness.  You’re talking about someone caring how you feel- and trying to respect your boundaries.  In a way that you never got growing up in a society filled with people whose boundaries have been crossed over and over again against their will.  Who have endured but in many cases, not healed.  And who all too often pass their hurt along to others.

To this I say- enough.  All Israelis, in fact all people, deserve the right to heal from their traumas.  And to not have new pain heaped upon them.  As a society, we can still keep our bluntness and our assertiveness without the spite and without the cruelty.  Find one way to heal yourself this week- and find one way to encourage a friend.  I’m not a psychiatrist or a PTSD expert, nor do I have the power to stop violence.  But I think that if we each find a way to bring some healing into our society, it will do us all a lot of good.

To borrow a bit from our Christian neighbors, my cover photo is from an Arab church in Haifa.  It says: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you“.  Amen.

Haredim speaking Arabic, dabke, and air raid sirens

Yesterday, I was sitting on a bus.  In front of me, there are two Haredim, a man in a black hat and his wife.  But they weren’t speaking Yiddish- they were speaking Arabic!

I listened closely to make sure it wasn’t just Hebrew with a Mizrachi accent, but no, sure enough it was Arabic.  I then, in a first for me, spoke to Haredim in Arabic.  Turns out the man had been born in Egypt and moved to Israel at a very young age.  And his wife Miriam- now this is interesting- is Jordanian.  And, in her words, Arab.  Very, very few Mizrachim would identify as Arab- especially today, but even historically- many were simply Jews who lived in relative peace among their Muslim and Christian neighbors.  The chaos of the modern era changed that, before nationalism, including pan-Arab nationalism (or modern Zionism) existed.

Therefore, given that a Mizrachi Jew, even who speaks some variety of Arabic or Judeo-Arabic, would likely not identify as an Arab, I wondered about this woman.  Just a few days before, I had been reading about Jordan and while it has a rich ancient Jewish history, it hasn’t had a stable Jewish community for quite a long time.

Which got me thinking- I believe Miriam is a convert.  In her own words, she is proud of being Arab and thinks there are good Arabs, Jews- good everyone everywhere.  But she thinks Jews are nicer than Arabs.  I responded that I wasn’t so sure based on my interactions with real estate agents here!  We laughed.

Before I got off the bus, we passed by what I presume was a left-wing demonstration.  Yesterday was the anniversary of the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin, the former Prime Minister of Israel.  He had tried to forge a peace agreement with the Palestinians and was murdered by a fanatical right-wing Jew.  The protestors blocked the intersection and started slapping the bus.  I was kind of concerned, but mostly I was pissed off that these people were keeping me from my destination.  I’m all for peace demonstrations, but I’m not sure what you accomplish by scaring a bunch of innocent people on a bus.  I once thought only right-wing people could be fanatical, but I’ve found that people of any political stripe can be utterly intolerant and invalidating.

Annoyed by the demonstrators and extremely excited about the Haredi Arabic conversation I just had, I hopped off the bus and headed north to a dabke workshop.  Dabke is a traditional Levantine dance popular among Palestinians, Jordanians, Lebanese, Syrians, Kurds, and Iraqis.  For years, I’ve loved this dance.  It just looks so fun!  I’ve watched YouTube clips and listened to the music on my iPod.  In Arabic class in college, we got a brief introduction to it, but I never really had the chance to dance it.

Until last night.  I found an amazing workshop and danced my pants off.  It was so much fun and the people there were at least as fun as the dance.  Being the only Jew- the only non-Arab- in the room, I aroused a lot of curiosity.  And frankly, mostly a bunch of friendliness.  People gave me their numbers, invited me to hang out with them, asked me about America and even Israeli folk dancing (which I also do).  I even met two separate women who wanted to practice Spanish with me!  And the whole session- before you ask if you can join me- is in Arabic.  This is their space, as it should be, and they were generous enough to allow me to enter it and enjoy their culture.  So unless you’ve got some pretty strong Arabic, you’re going to have to take a language class before you take the dance class 🙂 .

If you want to take a look, this is what our dance looked like last night!  (I’m the guy in the blue shorts and teal shirt).  So much fun!

I returned home feeling buoyant.  As I got ready for bed, I started hearing a loud noise.  This was my first night in a new apartment, so I thought it might be the sirens from the hospital nearby.  And then I heard what sounded like airplanes.  Getting louder and louder.

My first thought was that my landlord ripped me off by giving me an affordable apartment that constantly has flyovers from Ben Gurion Airport.  What a jerk!

But then I realized- the sirens kept going.  This isn’t an ambulance.  This isn’t a plane.  This is an air raid siren.

Having absolutely no idea what to do in this situation (luckily I never experienced it in America), I googled it.  And thank God somebody took the time to write it.  Go to the ground floor, avoid windows and doors, and pray.  And at 3:30am, that’s exactly what I did.  Alone and in the dark.

I was scared absolutely shitless.  I prayed and prayed and messaged a couple friends who were equally confused.  After a while (which seemed like a very long while), the news published that it was a false alarm.  But I’ll tell you, it didn’t sound so false when I heard plane (projectile?) after plane (missile?) overhead over and over again.  I envisioned my building collapsing to the ground.  Would I survive?

Thank God I did and thank God everyone is OK.  I’ve truly never experienced something like that in my life before.  And I hope you don’t either- it’s scary.  And having read that earlier today, the terrorist group Islamic Jihad was threatening revenge because Israel destroyed one of their weapons smuggling tunnels.  And that there was an armed confrontation between Israel and Syria in the north.  That basically it wouldn’t have been a shock if the air raid sirens had been accurate.

Being someone who has already suffered trauma in my life, it was hard to get to sleep- it pushed a whole bunch of triggers.  Finally I was able to lie down and get some rest.

I wrote to my friends on Facebook last night that if you don’t have the dedication and faith to keep you here, you simply won’t make it.

Everyone has a stake in this society and we must work together to make it the best place on the planet- which I think it is and has the potential to be.

I understand the rage that people can feel here- when you’re scared, when you’re scarred, you just want to lash out.  There are productive ways to do this and harmful ones and I hope we can strive to do the former more than the latter.

To anyone outside of Israel who has any doubt as to what terrorism does to the Israeli psyche, I invite you to crash at my place next time there’s an air raid siren.  All the Ambien in the world won’t help you sleep and it will haunt you after you wake.

And to the “peace” activists who slapped my bus- I get you.  You’re horrified, you’ve been hurt by someone, somewhere in this Holy Land.  But get a therapist.  Do some yoga.  Pray.  Take some anti-anxiety medications.   Whatever works for you.  But stop taking out your anger on your fellow man.

Be like the hundreds of young people I saw engaging in dialogue in Kikar Rabin yesterday.  Be like the Haredi man who married a Jordanian (convert?) and speaks Arabic.  Be like me and go dance Palestinian dabke with new Arab friends.

Or be like my Arab friend Lena who I met last night.  When I told her I was an American Jew who now lived in Tel Aviv, her answer was simple and touching:

“You are welcome here.”

That, my friends, is how you make peace.  One heart at a time.  A quiet and beautiful answer to the screeching of a siren.

As my cover photo says in Arabic: “life is sweet”.  Damn straight it is.  Because I’m alive.

And that’s how I learned the Arabic word for “terror attack”

In a horrific terrorist attack in New York, 8 people were killed and at least another dozen were wounded.  I found out about the attack while perusing Facebook in an ice cream parlor in Yafo.  Everyone around me was laughing and having a good time and I just froze and started checking in on all my friends.  My emotions welled up as I saw 37 friends were marked safe.  Thank God.  And then I was on the verge of tears as I noticed that 175 friends of mine had not yet confirmed their status.  I even noticed some people had had friends ask them if they were safe and had not responded yet.

I then started messaging friends frantically, trying to find out if they were OK.  This is the strange and challenging part of being a dual citizen- I’m feeling the pain of my friends in America while I’m sitting at a gelato shop and people are giggling.  Obviously not at what happened, but they just don’t know what’s going on.  It’s somewhat of a dual life.

I finally found out a close friend was safe- but her husband works very close to the attack.  Thank God he survived, but it’s scary to think about.  Unfortunately for Israelis, this isn’t a new concept, although it’s one Israeli experience I hope to never have to suffer.

As I write this blog, it’s still Halloween in America.  Halloween in Israel is weird- it’s almost non-existent.  Some of the things I love about the holiday, like picking pumpkins, hayrides, pumpkin pie, candy corn, seeing cute kids in costume, or going to a friend’s party- they just don’t happen that much here.  It’s not part of the culture.  Understandable, but I still miss it.  It’s doubly hard because one of my very toxic relatives has a birthday on Halloween so it brings up all sorts of mixed emotions.

Tonight, I didn’t expect a scary Halloween, but I got one.  Just like the Halloweens with my toxic relatives and just like all too many days that have scarred people in the Land of Israel.

Some people ask me how I get through the tough times, through the excruciating challenges that I face as an oleh chadash, as a new Israeli citizen.  You know how?  Everyday miracles.

Before I heard about the attack, I was talking with an adorable 17-year-old named Tony who worked at the ice cream shop.  He really likes American rap, so I suggested some artists (he had never heard of Common!).  We talk about how he wants to move to Canada or maybe go to college in Germany to become an engineer.  When it came up that I’m gay, his co-worker joked that he’s a homophobe or a closet-case (this is the humor here- this is not derogatory).  He of course denied it and said he likes everyone.  He even was a little self-conscious and asked me if he looked like a homophobe.  Of course I told him he doesn’t (is there a way to look homophobic?), and he smiled.  What a nice young Jewish boy with a goldene neshamah- a beautiful soul.

Wrong.  Tony is Arab.  And like not a small number of Arabs here, if you called him David Goldstein you’d think he’s an American Jew.  Once he shared that he was Arab, I switched from Hebrew to Arabic and we kept talking.  About music, travel, culture, you name it.  After every customer he served, he’d come back and keep talking to me.

After I found out about the attack, I was visibly upset.  I didn’t say anything because I was too busy checking in on my friends.  But eventually I needed to go home and sit in a quiet place where I could call people.

Before leaving, I wanted to tell Tony why I had to go.  Many Arabs here mix Hebrew into their Arabic.  The Hebrew word for terrorist attack is “pigua”, and it would not be strange for an Arab to speak in Arabic but simply use a Hebrew word in the middle of a sentence.  Much like American Jews sprinkle our English with Yiddish and Hebrew.  But I knew that if I spoke with Tony in Arabic and then said the word “pigua” in the middle of the sentence, the Jewish customers might flip out and I didn’t want to scare anyone.

So I looked at Google Translate to find the Arabic word: “hujoom”.  I told Tony about what happened in New York and that I needed to go home to check in on friends.  He looked shocked and then sad.  He came over and gave me a nice warm bro handshake.  I hope to see him again soon at the ice cream shop- he might not be a nice Jewish boy, but he’s certainly a nice Arab boy.  And while I hope he pursues his dreams to study abroad, a part of me will be sad that this country will miss out on the presence of a kind person.

And that’s how I learned the Arabic word for “attack”.  Not by, thank God, an attack on me here in Israel.  And not from the media.  But rather, from seeing my friends in pain in America and wanting to share my sadness with a new friend, an Arab friend.  A 17-year-old kid who loves hip-hop and scoops ice cream.  My neighbor.

There is nothing positive to take from a terrorist attack.  It’s murder plain and simple.  It’s deranged and it’s sad.  I hope we can make a world where this kind of hate doesn’t exist anymore and we can live in peace.  Like my cover picture from a mural I saw in Tarshiha says in Arabic: “no to violence”.

In the meantime, let’s live.  Look for the everyday miracles, like my interaction with Tony.  An interaction made possible by my decision as a 17-year-old to start learning Arabic at the Jewish Community Center in Rockville, Maryland.  And for three years in college in St. Louis.  And with Syrian refugees over Skype.  And by his decision to open up to me- to show me kindness, to respect my queer identity, and to show empathy in my time of sorrow.

Peace is not made through powerful men shaking hands.  That may be part of it, but it’s the opening of hearts that truly sustains it and makes it possible.  May we all find a way to do so every day, even just a little bit.  It makes our world a better place and it gives us hope to overcome great challenges.

May the memory of those who fell today be for a blessing.  May God bring healing to wounded.  And may we know the fruits of peace so that the scariest Halloween we have is when our kids sneak up on us and say:

“Boo.”