I was born in Washington, D.C. and grew up in suburban Maryland. As an adult, I’ve lived in Tel Aviv, St. Louis, Florida, Philadelphia, and now Atlanta. I’ve experienced different cultures in each place and tried to absorb the best of each into my life.
When I made aliyah to Israel, I chose to Hebraicize my name Matt but I did it in a unique way. I chose the name “Matah” (מטע) which sounds like Matt but comes from a different root. It means “orchard”, as in an olive orchard, like the one in the cover photo for this blog post near Rehaniya. The idea was to plant roots in Israel- ones that would bear fruits. Just like the name of this blog.
I would say that even though I returned to the U.S., I did plant roots in Israel and feel deeply connected to my homeland. And they certainly bore fruits – new friendships, mature social and political perspectives, stronger Hebrew and Arabic, and even publishing a book about my adventures! I’m extremely excited to go back this April (inshallah!) for a month and visit again. I miss my friends and favorite places and am thrilled to see what new adventures are in store for me.
While I’ve lived in many places, I’ve called the D.C. area home for most of my life. I grew up there, came back soon after college, and returned there after living in Tel Aviv to be closer to family. My relationship with D.C. could take up multiple blog posts, but let’s put it this way – it’s complicated. I love my friends and remaining family there and I relished the chance to see many of them recently when I visited. And D.C. is also a place of deep pain – one where both of my parents struggled through and died from cancer, one where I experienced a life-threatening manic episode in my 20s that led to my diagnosis with Bipolar Disorder, one where I experienced the loneliness of the pandemic. It’s somewhere where I have many loved ones but it is bittersweet because frankly it’s never been my vibe. While it’s full of beautiful museums, culture, bookstores, cafes, and restaurants, it is overly focused on work and networking with an intense atmosphere that used to stress me out.
“Used to stress me out” because I don’t live there anymore. And while I will certainly be back to visit D.C. again, it is not my home right now. I now live in Atlanta. And frankly I feel so much more relaxed here. It’s been a fresh start for me full of new friends, new experiences, and a less intense way of living. It’s a vibe and it’s peaceful. I sometimes wish I could import my friends and family down here so it’d feel a bit more like home and more quickly. It’s where I live and I’m enjoying it, but it’s maybe not quite home yet. After all, I’ve only been here about four months. But it’s starting to feel more and more like home by the day. When I travel to other cities or abroad, I feel relieved and happy to come back to Atlanta. It’ll take time to see how this place will figure in my life, but it has a lot of promise. Yet inevitably there are those tough days when after moving to a new place when I wonder what I’m doing here. It’s a kind of imposter syndrome perhaps, because I feel pretty content here. Hopefully with time I’ll feel even more at ease.
Perhaps instead of thinking where is “home” and where is not, it’s more useful to return to my Israeli name “Matah”. Orchard. Roots. Planting. Rather than debating which place I’ve called home is most “home” to me, it’s better to think about where I’ve planted roots and what fruits they have borne or may yet bear.
Put that way, I can say that in D.C. I created lifelong friendships and honored my parents by supporting them through their cancer diagnoses and passing away.
In Tel Aviv, I learned to explore the world, from tiny villages in the Galilee to rural Cyprus. I regained my confidence to engage with different cultures and put that passport to use. I visited 120 different municipalities in Israel and met people from every religious, linguistic, and ethnic background imaginable. I connected with my Jewish identity and homeland. And I became a writer reaching 100,000 views on this blog site!
In Atlanta, the story is yet to be written. I’ve met some wonderful people here. And it has been good for is my mental health. I feel better here psychologically. Having a fresh start in a relaxed place has allowed me to have some space from the traumas I experienced in D.C. and redefine myself for the next stage of my life.
So I will refuse to answer the title of this blog post. Because rather than one home, we can have many. And we can plant roots wherever the soil is fertile.
The election of Zohran Mamdani has put many Jews, myself included, on edge. You can look up his long history of virulently anti-Israel comments here. His obsession with Israel (and not with other countries’ human rights concerns) is antisemitic. He has no problem marching in the NYC Pakistan Day Parade but boycotts the Israel Day Parade. The double standard is appalling, given that Islam is the official state religion of Pakistan and religious minorities and LGBTQ+ people are legally discriminated against. Yet it is only Israel that Mamdani chooses to boycott. No country is perfect and expecting Israel to be exemplary while excusing Pakistan’s human rights abuses is bigoted.
The purpose of this post, though, is not to rehash what many media outlets, Jewish organizations, and politicians have debated. I find Mamdani’s rhetoric appalling and antisemitic. You may not. But one thing is crystal clear: Mamdani has clearly said he boycotts the world’s only Jewish homeland and that requires a forceful and thoughtful response. Because Israel, for all its imperfections, is the only safe haven for our people and has saved the lives of millions of Jews from around the world fleeing persecution.
This post is about what’s next.
First, let’s define Zionism. Zionism is the national liberation movement of the Jewish people. It is the belief that Jews are a people, an ethnic group with literature, cuisines, customs, languages, and millennia of shared history. There are right-wing Zionists, centrists, and left-wing Zionists who have debated the future of our people and our relations with our non-Jewish neighbors both inside and outside Israel’s borders. But fundamental support for a Jewish safe haven in our ancestral homeland is backed by the vast majority of American Jews – 85% in this poll. You don’t need to agree with all of a particular Israeli government’s policies to believe that Jews need a place to call home.
Now that we’ve defined the problem (Mamdani) and what Zionism is (and isn’t), let’s talk about what a Zionist response to his rise should be.
The Zionist response to antisemitism is to invest in our people, our homeland, and our allies.
Our homeland. In addition to supporting Jewish businesses, find ways to strengthen Israel. Donate to the Spirit of the Galilee, led by my dear friend Rabbi Leora Ezrachi-Vered, a group promoting co-existence between Israelis of all faiths. Support Blend.Ar, led by my friend Chen Kupperman, which organizes Arabic immersion courses in Abu Ghosh to promote thoughtful collaboration between Jews and Arabs. Contribute to Magen David Adom, Israel’s emergency responders who treat (and are treated by) people of all faiths. There are so many other fabulous charities out there that deserve your backing. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need some advice about how to strengthen Israeli society.
Our allies. Many non-Jews are standing by our side and deserve recognition. If we take some of the energy we feel towards people like Mamdani and put it towards thanking people who have our back, we’ll feel better. For example, I live in Atlanta and the moderate mayor Andre Dickens won re-election Tuesday too. He has visited Israel and vigorously condemned the October 7th attacks. He takes safety seriously for his Jewish constituents. It’s people like him we need to elevate in our national discourse. Thank politicians like him for standing with us and support them with votes and donations. And donate to non-partisan organizations like the American Jewish Committee that build bridges of understanding between Jews and diverse communities.
In the end, the best response to hate is to remember that we may despair and feel like it’s 1933, but today is different. We have a homeland to call our own. We must stand together with our people, our safe haven Israel, and our non-Jewish allies. Haters gonna hate, but we are a strong community full of love and hope and we will come together and win.
A few days before the election, I was uncertain how to react to a near-certain Mamdani victory. A friend told me Delta restarted direct flights from Atlanta to Tel Aviv and I jumped on the site and bought a ticket to Israel. I’ll be back in Israel this spring for a long visit and I’ll be looking for all sorts of ways to support my friends there – Jews, Christians, Muslims, and Druze. Because by building a stronger Israel, I not only help them, I help bring greater safety and security and resilience to Jews in New York and around the world.
On my trip to Italy, I encountered a beautiful country, intense antisemitism, and a 2,000+ year old Jewish community that continues to survive it all.
My trip started in Padova, a bit off the beaten path. A historic college town, it was beautiful and not overrun by tourists, but also had frequent anti-Israel graffiti and regular demonstrations, as has been the case at American universities as well. Situated in the more conservative Veneto region, it was certainly less antisemitic than far-left places I visited like Bologna. But nonetheless, at times I felt uncomfortable as a Jew.
For instance, my food tour guide in Padova was a welcoming Italian man named Davide. He was well-traveled and intellectually curious. When I was brave enough to share that I was Jewish and an Israeli citizen, he had many questions. He was on the left side of the political spectrum in Italy, which in Europe sadly correlates with increased antisemitism and anti-Israel bias. He had never heard of Arab Israelis (i.e. Arab citizens of Israel with full legal rights) – he was curious enough to say he’d Google the topic. He had not heard that Arab parties existed in the Knesset (Israeli parliament). When I told him I felt that Italian culture was quite similar to Israeli culture, he was shocked. He also had no idea that LGBTQ+ people were persecuted in many Arab countries including the incredibly repressive one he’s visiting next – Saudi Arabia!
It was hard for me to go on that tour. Not because of the delicious food and gelato (man, the mango gelato in Padova was out of this world!). But rather, because I felt like I had to be an ambassador for my people. This guy wasn’t a bad guy. He just didn’t have many facts. And to his credit, he was willing to learn and grow. I just didn’t have the energy on vacation to play teacher. I hope he continues to delve into Middle Eastern history and culture – with my people included. It’s important for me to remember people like him – people who may largely disagree with Israel or are rather naïve, but are not necessarily malicious. We must engage with these people more gently and with more understanding than with some of the other instigators and criminals who persecute Jews these days.
I had the great privilege of visiting the Jewish Museum of Padova, including a visit to the historic synagogue, which is still in use to this day. I highly recommend this museum and synagogue. Not only did I learn so much about this historic community, I got to visit the 477-year-old synagogue all by myself! Here are some pictures:
The museum tells the story of Padova’s Jews and some Italian Jewish history as well. For those who don’t know, many different types of Jews have lived in Italy, including Ashkenazim (yes, Yiddish was spoken in Venice and parts of northern Italy!), Sephardic Jews, Levantine Jews (Sephardic Jews who migrated to the eastern Mediterranean and came back towards Italy), and Italian-rite Jews who have been in the country for over 2,000 years! There are many beautiful artifacts such as the ones below dating back hundreds of years:
The beautiful Baroque synagogue miraculously survived Italian fascism and the Holocaust and is absolutely worth a visit. The employee working the front desk was not Jewish but was very knowledgeable about the community and charmed me with her Italian-accented Hebrew as she explained the different parts of the sanctuary to me.
Before I move on to my next Italian Jewish destination, I want to share a quick disclaimer. From Padova, I did a quick day trip to Bologna. While Padova certainly had some antisemitism, it was largely calm and pleasant and I’m glad I stayed there for a few days. Bologna, on the other hand, is not a pleasant place if you are Jewish. It is covered in antisemitic graffiti (i.e. “death to Israel”). It is called the “red city” in part because historically it has been the bastion of the Italian Communist Party. I felt deeply uncomfortable there and decided to leave earlier than expected to head back towards Padova. Of course not everyone in Bologna is a communist. When I asked my cab driver to the train station in Italian whether it was a political city he said “troppo!” Too much. He found the anti-Israel graffiti disturbing and disruptive and an unfortunate stain on the beauty of the city itself.
Feeling more buoyant after my visit to the Great Synagogue of Padova and the Jewish museum, I headed south to Florence for a few days. Florence, like Bologna, is generally rather lefty and occasionally graffiti-filled. But to its credit, it’s pretty damn beautiful. Not only the art and architecture of the city, but also its stunning countryside. The countryside in particular was soothing, as the medieval villages were clean and not filled with graffiti and fortunately trees can’t hate Jews. Here are some pictures from my travels in the area:
Florence and its Jews have a long history of ups and downs. The famous Medici family at times was very welcoming of Jews and helped them build quite a spectacular community. I got the chance to take a Jewish tour of Florence and learned a lot about the history of the community. The community, many hundreds of years old, lost half its members in the Holocaust between Italian fascist persecution and the Nazi invasion of the country. Its Great Synagogue and museum are absolutely worth a visit as well. Here are some pictures of the synagogue:
Perhaps my favorite part of visiting the synagogue besides the architecture was the chance to chat in Italian with the non-Jewish cashier and her friend in the museum bookstore. I speak intermediate Italian (with an occasional Spanish word thrown in) and they loved it! They were really touched that a non-Italian would learn their language, especially since among Romance languages it’s certainly less popular than Spanish or French, for example. We had a great conversation about Jewish life in Italy and Florence in particular. It was a beautiful moment that reminded me of the good in people. That while graffiti may be irritating and uncomfortable, it doesn’t represent everyone.
My last major stop on my trip was Venice. I had never been before and boy was it stunning. I stayed in Cannareggio, a historic area near the Jewish Ghetto and much quieter than the main touristic parts of the city, which was a true blessing.
Sadly, my travel plans to Venice got disrupted by a massive, 24-hour countrywide anti-Israel train strike and I lost about 700 Euros in having to change hotels and getting a new train ticket at the last minute from Florence. This train strike took place on Yom Kippur, making it even more offensive. I told my hotel manager that this was a real pain to deal with and his response was “pray for peace in Palestine”. Why a train strike in Italy would bring peace to Palestinians (or Israelis for that matter – not that they were included in the hotel manager’s prayers apparently) is beyond me. All it did was make me angry and not want to come back to Italy any time soon. Train strikes are frequent there, which I suppose is just part of the culture. Why it needed to be about Middle East politics was beyond me. Unfortunately the train strike was accompanied by a massive two-million-person national demonstration in every major city, complete with kuffiyehs, violence against police and property, and malicious anti-Israel signs. I can’t imagine what it’s like to live in Western Europe as a Jew. It unfortunately calls on the resilience of the oldest Jewish community of Europe to withstand such ridiculous bigotry and hatred. An ancient hatred renewed in modern times.
Once the rallies died down and the strike was over, I got to enjoy Venice. I traveled with a friend from the States who was also Jewish which was really comforting during this challenging part of the trip. My friend, perhaps a bit scarred by our experience with the anti-Israel strike and protestors, asked for a pseudonym to be used for this piece, which is understandable and incredibly sad. He was concerned that anti-Israel protestors might find him online and harass him. He was comfortable with me using the name “David” instead of his actual name.
David and I did a lot of fun stuff. Venice is a city of the sea. I love being on the water. While David was busy doing some other stuff, I actually had the chance to take a gondola rowing class with Row Venice! It was a fabulous way to see the city and the teacher taught me some of the history too.
In addition to the typical Venetian tourist activities (I highly highly highly recommend a visit to the exquisite Doge’s Palace!), we got a chance to take a guided tour of the Jewish Ghetto. We loved our tour guide! You can book it here. The two synagogues we got to see were stunning. Learn more about the community’s storied history here. And here are some pictures below too!
One of the highlights of visiting the Venetian Jewish Ghetto (where the word “ghetto” actually comes from) was meeting members of the local community. I always love meeting Jewish brothers and sisters around the world and Venice was no exception. First, I went to the bookstore of the currently renovating Jewish Museum of Venice. The woman behind the counter was a member of the tiny Venetian Jewish community. She was so kind. I ended up buying a book about the Judeo-Venetian dialect (so cool!) and a book about Ashkenazi and Sephardic music from Venice. It was refreshing to talk to a Jew after seeing so much hatred on this trip. Perhaps finding community with our brothers and sisters and allies is a way of coping, a way towards resilience in these challenging times for our community around the world.
After the bookstore, I got some Judaica from a local store called Shalom. It was beautiful. For those of you who know me well, you might know that I recently moved to Atlanta. I’m excited to put up my new Murano glass mezuzahs I got at Shalom in my brand new apartment as a reminder of the fragility and beauty of Jewish life.
After a fun, challenging, and beauty-filled trip to Italy, I was ready to board my plane to Atlanta. I had many fond memories of the Jewish communities, museums, rural villages, and canals I had visited. But most of all, I wanted to go home. Not because I dislike Italy. But because Atlanta is a safer place to be myself, a gay Jew, than Florence, Padova, Bologna, Verona, Venice – any of these stunning places. They are fabulous to visit and I’m so glad I got to experience new things on this trip. But there is a reason I moved from D.C. to Atlanta besides the rats in my old apartment. It is because in these days of polarization, Atlanta is a haven. It is a moderate and open-minded city where nine times out of ten, I feel like I can just be myself. I’m not surrounded by the hate-filled graffiti and protests of D.C. or certain parts of Italy. I’m surrounded by acceptance and love.
I’ll put up my new mezuzahs soon and will always carry a piece of Italy in my heart – the kind people who opened up to me, both Jewish and non-Jewish. And let the mean folks float away like a piece of driftwood floating down a Venetian canal towards the great lagoon. Far away from my life.
I’ll end with a picture of me marching proud with the LGBTQ+ Jewish community of Atlanta the weekend after I got back. Because there is no better antidote to hate than loving who you are. May we all get to know that acceptance and I hope for a better future for us all. Shanah tovah!
Tonight, I went to an LGBTQ+ dinner outing. Our organization was partnering with another one to put on the event. I sat down outside Union Market across the table from someone from the other organization named Ezra. We were talking about healthcare in the U.S. and I mentioned that I loved my healthcare in Tel Aviv because of the digitized medical records.
Ezra glared at me and then said: “Americans fund your healthcare system so you can bomb everyone to pieces.”
I promptly excused myself and said, “that was rude” as I walked towards the other end of the table to escape extreme discomfort from Ezra’s anti-Semitism.
It was an awful way to spend my evening. Ezra knows nothing about me. Ezra had talked to me for all of five minutes. He didn’t know anything about me, let alone what my political views are. Nothing. All Ezra knew was I lived in Tel Aviv and that I liked Israeli digitized medical records and that was enough for his anti-Semitic floodgates to open.
A few nights before, I was sitting in my favorite Thai restaurant when an Uber Eats deliveryman walked through the door talking loudly on speakerphone. Shouting in the middle of the restaurant, he said: “Israel is disgusting.” He then went on a ten-minute diatribe about the evils of Israel. When I asked him to please turn off his speakerphone so my friend and I could eat a pleasant dinner, he glared at me and even yelled into his speaker “these people at the restaurant want me to turn off the speakerphone.” And he continued to spout venom as my friend and I tried to tune him out.
These two examples are on the progressive end of the spectrum. But progressives are not the only people trying to box Jews in and caricature us.
I recently met a far-right conservative gay man. After telling me that trans people were disgusting (which is a disgusting comment in and of itself), he asked me “why don’t you vote Republican? The Democrats hate Israel. Republicans love Israel.” To which I responded: “yes, many Republicans support Israel – perhaps more so than some Democrats. But many Democrats support Israel too. I also vote for a candidate based on many issues and see whose values align best with mine.” His lecturing continued unabated as he then tried to teach me about Judaism! He claimed all Jews believed sex should only be between a man and a woman (he clearly hasn’t heard of Reform and Conservative Judaism) and that God controls everything (again, depends on the Jew and the interpretation of Judaism). The irony of a Catholic guy trying to explain Judaism to me was not lost on me and I decided to disengage from the conversation.
Donald Trump himself has repeatedly goaded Jews by saying that if he loses, it’ll be their fault. That Israel “won’t exist in two years” if he’s not elected. All the while, he praises the leader of Qatar and hosts him at his estate in Mar-a-Lago- the same Qatar that hosts Hamas leadership.
Democrats are no better. The Squad and their allies regularly trade in anti-Semitic rhetoric about Israel “hypnotizing the world” and unfounded claims that Israel is “committing genocide”, rather than fighting an incredibly complicated war in the face of the worst terrorist attack in Israeli history. They berate Israel for defending itself while trying to deny it funds for the Iron Dome which protects its civilians from Hamas and Hezbollah rocket fire.
America has always been home to anti-Semites. Just like many countries in the Western World. But American Jews, particularly the generation of my grandparents and parents, enjoyed a kind of cultural, economic, and political renaissance. We have achieved must that we can be proud of in this Goldene Medine – the Golden Land.
The question is what next? What, if any, future do we have in a country where from left and right we get grilled, stereotyped, yelled at, boxed in, and denigrated? Where we can’t go to a LGBTQ+ dinner or a Thai restaurant in peace? Where we are told which party we “have” to vote for based on how someone else perceives our interests, rather than what we feel is in our own best interest?
As my mom would say, “enough already!” Jews – American, Israeli, French, Russian, Moroccan, Turkish, Ethiopian – from any and everywhere. We are one of the oldest civilizations on earth. We founded the modern day miracle of the State of Israel, imperfect as she can be sometimes. We have gotten elected to office, built innovative businesses, and founded incredible institutions of learning. All while preserving and evolving our traditions in an increasingly complex world.
We will not give in to anti-Semitism. From any person. From any gender or sexuality. From any ethnicity. From any political party. For every anti-Semitic anecdote I’ve shared in this blog, I can provide 100 others. The time has come for us to raise our heads up high because we are God’s chosen people. That phrase may mean different things to different people, but I personally believe it should be a source of pride that our very essence is infused with holiness, and of course great responsibility as well. A responsibility to the planet, to the other peoples of the world, and yes, to ourselves.
May we find the little blessings along the way, the allies who make our lives better, and may we always pray for the peace of Jerusalem. May better days come our way. And soon. Amen.
p.s.- my cover photo is of me at Rosh Hanikra, Israel’s border with Lebanon. My prayers go out to Israel’s north and the civilians suffering in Lebanon because of Hezbollah’s reign of terror. May we one day all know peace.
As a gay man, I’ve fought for years to live with pride as who I am. It has also offered me a unique vantage point from which to experience and explain internalized antisemitism – and its antidote.
First, let’s start with some definitions. Internalized homophobia – something I experienced quite a bit of especially before and during my coming out process – is vile. It is when the surrounding prejudices and bigotry of others force LGBTQ+ people to unwittingly adopt some of the hateful viewpoints directed at them.
I can remember my first real run-in with internalized homophobia. I was dating a guy named Matt my freshman year of college. He was my very first male kiss. We had had a wonderful night together and I woke up in the morning feeling great. I got down off my bed after he had left and all of a sudden I felt a wave of disgust fall over me. “Why was I so disgusting? What was wrong with me?” I felt a sense of panic. Anxiety. Dismay. It was almost an out-of-body experience and I had no words to describe it.
Once my therapist explained to me the concept of internalized homophobia, it all started to make sense how I could love being gay and yet the very act of gay intimacy could arouse such self-hatred. It was the classmates who called me faggot. It was my dad telling me he was proud of me for dating women in high school – he said he was glad I wasn’t gay. It was the “health” book I was given by my family to read as a teenager that said if I had feelings about another man, it didn’t mean I was gay. It was my soccer team in high school that had a team “fag” – a guy who we pretended was gay and laughed at. It was my grandfather writing me out of his will all while making comments about my “lifestyle”.
And that’s the tip of the iceberg.
Victims of abuse often internalize aspects of their abusers’ behavior without realizing it. And I had my own prejudices towards LGBTQ+ people that started with my self. While a part of me loved kissing this cute boyfriend, a part of me couldn’t bear to break with all the hatred that I had digested over the years. That I had been conditioned to obey. Or pay the price.
The antidote to this homophobia was a curious one. It wasn’t just to accept myself. It was to actively seek out opportunities to be loud and proud. And to do so regularly. Because coming out is a process that never ends. If you don’t actively fight against the forces pushing you back into the closet, you will continue to lean on those prejudices internalized deep within and you will falter. You will become miserable and silent.
So I became an activist. I led rallies against conversion therapy. I marched in Pride parades in Madrid and Washington D.C. and Tel Aviv. I went back to my high school to speak with the timid yet brave students who went to the Gay-Straight Alliance meetings. Meetings that when I was a high schooler, were not even allowed to use the word “gay” in their title. Because the principal thought it was too controversial.
In Israel, I visited Arab communities and spoke openly about my gay identity in places many people still fear to be out. I subsequently wrote a book about my experiences, allowing my gay and Jewish and Zionist identities to merge. There’s something therapeutic about writing that allows the singed seams of my past traumas to heal and to bring some connection between the different parts of me.
Which brings us to the title of this blog: internalized antisemitism. Have I experienced antisemitism? Oh yes. I’ve been thrown out of a Lyft for being a gay Jew. I was told by one of my college Arabic professors that there were “good Jews” who opposed Israel. I was told by a high school classmate that Jews were stingy and she was “proud of her Cossack ancestry”. Yeah, the Cossacks who murdered my ancestors and forced us to come to America. I was told by another classmate that “Matt, you’re not like the other Jews. You’re not a big mouth.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told “the Jews are rich”. At a Brazilian Portuguese meet up in D.C., by a soccer teammate of mine, and at my YMCA summer camp. I was told countless times that I supported the “Holocaust” of the Palestinian people. I was even told by my own father, the most prescient example of an internalized antisemite, that it wasn’t “normal” for me to want to go to synagogue. Who would threaten me and my mom for taking me to Hebrew lessons. Because I should do what “normal” kids do. Not Judaism.
These are but a few examples of the antisemitism I’ve experienced in my life. In a country that’s getting worse. There has been a nearly 400% increase in antisemitic events after Hamas’s terrorist attack on October 7th. And believe me, Europe and the Middle East are even worse.
The antisemitism I experienced has at times led me to lean on the very prejudices I experienced, much in the way internalized homophobia works. While under great pressure from a number of antisemitic professors in college, I twisted and turned my Judaism until I found myself publicly and repeatedly condemning Israel in an effort to seek their approval. I would even email articles about me slamming Israel in the student newspaper to these professors, these authority figures who taught me to be a “good Jew”. And they would praise me. And it felt good and disgusting at the same time. Much like that kiss with Matt.
How have I fought back against this internalized prejudice? What is the antidote to internalized antisemitism? When we see Jews attacking police officers while calling for “ceasefires” with a terrorist group that knows no respect for humanity. The Jews who condemn Israel for committing a genocide that is quite simply not happening. While they remain silent about the 130+ innocent Israeli civilians kidnapped by Hamas. Who allow themselves to be tokenized by antisemites on the Left as the “good Jews”. Much like my Arabic professor thought of me.
The antidote for internalized antisemitism is Zionism. It is Jewish pride. It is the liberation movement of the Jewish people. Living in Israel and making aliyah (even though I returned) changed my life. I can no longer stay silent in the face of antisemitism whether it emanates from Hamas or IfNotNow or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Because I am a proud gay Jew. I have learned from my experience as a gay man how to liberate myself as a Jew. And I would suggest that other Jews consider the ways in which antisemites have silenced them – and how it might be impacting their behavior towards their brethren in Israel now.
Because you don’t have to be a non-Jew to be an antisemite. And you don’t have to live this way forever.
I learned to love to kiss men and to be proud of who I am. And I learned to drape myself in the blue and white of my people with pride despite all the haters who would have me shy away from my ancestry and identity.
I’m a gay Jewish Zionist Israeli and American. And I will not silence any one of those identities to make someone feel comfortable in their prejudice. Am yisrael pride.
Israelis and Palestinians share a lot in common. As do most human beings. We want a good life for our families, we want to put food on the table, we want to find a sense of purpose. We often find ourselves perplexed by the lack of control we have over events in our lives. Nowhere is that more true than the Middle East.
But what most western liberals fail to understand, that I do understand having traveled extensively in Israel and Palestine and being a fluent Arabic speaker, is that there are fundamental cultural differences between these two societies. Differences that are leading to continued conflict and distress.
Let’s start with some basic premises before we dive into this difficult topic. First, innocent people are suffering in Israel and Palestine and that makes me very sad. Second, the way out of this conflict is unclear and anyone who pretends to have a “magic solution” like “from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” (i.e. genocide of Israelis) or “death to the Arabs” is full of shit. Erasing the “other” will only perpetuate conflict rather than resolve it. And third, some of the people I know with the strongest opinions about Israel and Palestine have never stepped foot there. And should be invited to listen and learn and, frankly, shut up if they have nothing constructive to say.
So what are some of the differences between Israelis and Palestinians? Israel is a much, much more diverse society than Palestinian society. Consisting of Jews from all over the world (including the dozen or so Muslim-majority countries that ethnically cleansed them in the 20th century), plus Druze, Arab Christians, Circassians, Arab Muslims, and non-Jewish refugees- it is a virtual melting pot of civilizations. Meanwhile, Palestinian society consists of an ever-increasing Muslim majority, with a dwindling Christian population consisting of 1 to 2.5% of the West Bank. Life is far from perfect for minorities in Israel, but it is a fundamentally more pluralistic and inclusive society, with non-Jews making up approximately 26.6% of the population, with full voting rights and citizenship.
Palestinians are also rabidly homophobic when compared to their Israeli neighbors. Only 5% of West Bank Palestinians support LGBTQ+ relationships according to a BBC poll. A year ago, a Palestinian gay man was beheaded in Hebron. Meanwhile, 61% of Israelis (and 68% of Israeli Jews) support equal rights for LGBTQ+ people. While right-wing politicians continue to attack the Israeli LGBTQ+ community, they represent a minority of the country and face intense pushback from Israeli civil society. There is next to no Palestinian civil society pushing for social acceptance for the queer community. Religious fundamentalism and a deep-seated conservatism define Palestinian society in a way that western liberals have trouble understanding – or at times even justify.
I could go on and on about the litany of differences, including the rights and roles of women, but I’d like to focus on the single most important difference between the two societies. Most Israeli Jews are prepared to accept a Palestinian state as part of a peace agreement. Only 24% of Palestinians accept the idea of an agreement with Israel, with even lower numbers in younger generations. The numbers vary according to how the question is phrased and no doubt the number of Israelis feeling in the mood to make a peace agreement after the horrific October 7th Hamas massacre is going to go down. But fundamentally, one society accepts the existence of the other, and the other doesn’t accept the existence of the former.
Most American liberals or progressives or whatever you’d like to call people on the left-end of the political spectrum that I’ve often called home- most of them have no clue how to process the idea of Palestinians’ cultural differences as an obstacle to peace and human rights. Not the only obstacle, but certainly a big one. When you see people waving pride flags at anti-Israel rallies in Europe and the U.S., you have to wonder how these people have deluded themselves. How, in a colonialist fashion, they have imposed an American understanding of race, sexuality, victimization, and oppression on two countries across the world with very complicated and significant cultural differences.
I’m not in any way suggesting that Palestinian human rights be disregarded because they are by-and-large ultraconservative, antisemitic, and homophobic. Two wrongs don’t make a right. The status quo cannot continue. All human beings deserve dignity and I’ve been incredibly outspoken (if you’ve followed this blog at all) in advocating for Palestinian and Arab-Israeli rights.
But the only way to make peace is to understand reality first. And until American and European liberals can wrap their heads around the cultural differences between Israeli and Palestinian societies, we will get nowhere. We will get more heated rhetoric and antisemitism. Out of both hatred and a lack of understanding of how this conflict continues to plague the region.
Jews and Israelis of all faiths have a right to protect themselves. Ourselves. If seeing Jews wield the power to protect themselves scares you or causes you concern, you are an antisemite. Until our neighbors, the Palestinians, are willing to accept the existence of Israel, this conflict will continue ad infinitum. And the day Palestinians come to the peace table in good faith, I’ll be the first in line to protest the Israeli government until it makes peace a reality. I eagerly await that day and hope one day, much like there is an Israeli peace movement, that there will be an equally large Palestinian one.
Until that day, we will protect ourselves. As my cover photo from a Druze village in the Galilee says in Arabic sarcastically: “it’s all my fault, I love my sect”. It’s all my fault. I love the Jewish and Israeli peoples and we will outlive all those near and far who wish us harm.
מזמן לא כתבתי בעברית. כנראה שאכתוב עם מלא טעויות. אבל אני מרגיש שכדאי לכתוב. כדאי לפרש את הרגשות שלי ברגע כל כך רגיש בהיסטוריה של עם ישראל ומדינת ישראל. הרבה אנשים שקוראים את הבלוג שלי יודעים שאחרי כמה שנים בארץ, אני חזרתי לארצות הברית, איפה שגדלתי. התכוונתי לחזור לארץ ללימודים בבית המדרש של הרבנות הרפורמית. אבל לא מעט זמן אחרי שחזרתי לארה”ב, אמא שלי חלתה בסרטן. אז הייתה מגפת הקוביד. אז נפטר אבא החורג שלי. ותוך קצת זמן, אמא שלי גם תלך לועלמה. בקיצור, הרבה דברים קשוחים התרחשו בחיי ופתאום לחזור לארץ לא הייתה בחירה הגיונית. לפחות כרגע.
אבל למרות שאני נמצא רחוק מהארץ פיזית, אני חושב עליה כל יום. אני מתגעגע לחברים שלי שם ואני מודאג מאוד לגבי המצב הפוליטי. לצערי, כאמריקאי, אני מכיר את הפאשיזם באופן מאוד אישי. אני גר בוושינגטון די סי. הייתי פה כאשר דונלד טראמפ השתדל לגנוב את הבחירות וכאשר הוא הסית נגד אזרחיו ב6 לינואר. הייתה תקופה מאוד מפחידה.
עד ה6 לינואר, הרבה חברים שלי בארץ או התלהבו מטראמפ או לא הבינו למה אמריקאים מבחינות פוליטיות שונות לא היו יכולים “להסתדר”. כלומר, אנחנו פשוט לא ידענו איך לדבר אחר עם השני. אבל אחרי ה6 לינואר, הרבה חברים שלי סוף-סוך הבינו שזה לא היה עניין פשוט ובעצם זה היה משבר פוליטי שחווינו בקפיטול.
לצערי הרב, כל ישראלי שפוי עכשיו מבין מה שקרה בארה”ב לאחרונה. שיש בשתי המדינות תנועות פוליטיות שרוצות להרוס. שרוצות לדכא מיעוטים, למחוק את “האחר”. זאת תנועה פוליטית בינלאומית- מרוסיה להונגריה, מארה”ב לאיראן, וכן לישראל.
מהנסיון שלי בארה”ב, אני רק יכול להדגיש כמה זה חשוב להמשיך להפגין ולתמוך בתנועות פולטיות שהן בעד הדמוקרטיה לכולםן. גם כן לפלסטינאים.
אין עתיד למדינת ישראל בלי דמוקרטיה. ואין דמוקרטיה בלי חרות לכל תושבי ישראל ופלסטין.
בסוף, כמו כל דבר במדינה היהודית, זה עניין של איזה סוג של יהדות תהיה חזקה יותר בישראל. ברור שצריך להיות מקום לגיוון- גם ליהדות השמרנית שאני לא מאמנין בה. אבל- בואו נגיד את זה בצורה ברורה- אנחנו רוצים עתיד של איסור חמץ בבתי חולים או אנחנו רוצים עתיד של יהדות שוויונית?
ליבי במזרח. לכל המפגינות והמפגינית האמיצים- תודה. אני איתכם בלב ואני אמשיך לדבר עם הממשלה שלי בארה”ב כדי לשכנע אותה להשתמש בכח שלה לשמור על הזכויות שלכם. כי בעצם, למרות שאנחנו רחוקים פיזית, האינטרסים שלנו דומים מאוד. אנחנו חייבים לתמוך אחד בשני בשוויון.
אני הפכתי אולי פחות דתי אחרי כל המוות והטרגדיות במשפחה שלי ובחברה שלי בשנים האחרונות. אבל אני כן מאמין שהגורל שלנו הוא משותף. ואף פעם לא אוותר על הקשר בינינו והחלום של שלום, של דמוקרטיה, ושל יהדיות שמייצגת את הערכים שלנו. מתגעגע המון- שנתראה בקרוב בע”ה עם חיוכים של הצלחה של המאבק.
This past week has been one of those crazy weeks you never forget. My step-dad has spent the week in the ICU due to two blood clots and after going into cardiac arrest. My mom, who is on her newest round of chemotherapy, is taking care of him. I’m just trying to keep my head above water. Trying to enjoy life’s little moments and joys to distract me. With some degree of success. Thank you to all my friends who’ve been there for me this week and are helping me get through this.
This week, the insanity of my life seemed to parallel that of Israel’s.
Just as my world seemed to be spinning, Israel voted in one of the most right-wing, ultra-religious governments in its history. As an Israeli citizen, I’m embarrassed to see the rise of fundamentalism in my other homeland. It just goes to show that what we’re seeing in the U.S. and Europe is spreading to other countries as well. We must rise or fall together. This is the moment for people who care about the future of Israel – and its Palestinian neighbors – to speak out for democracy.
Faced with adversity in Israel and my own home front, I’m faced with a choice. I could pray, I could sway, I could wait for others to act in my place.
I will do no such thing. First of all, I will be there for my immediate family. Secondly, I will be there for myself – allowing for moments of relief and even joy as I step away from the trauma I’m dealing with. I want to live my life, which is what my step-dad would want even as he struggles for his own.
And when it comes to my brethren across the ocean – Arab citizens of Israel, Palestinians, and Israeli Jews and Druze – I will step it up for you. As LGBTQ+ and Reform rights are also under attack, I will not sit by silently. The Israel and Palestine we want to build is possible. And we will not give up. Please consider a donation to Standing Together, my favorite Jewish-Arab activist organization, to promote solidarity and peace.
One of the things I learned while living in Israel was the power of embracing life and its fulfillment even in the darkest of moments. That’s why you’ll find Israelis partying on the beach as rockets fall down. It’s an extreme example, but a real one.
So as the rockets metaphorically fall on my own family and on Israel’s democracy, I will fight, but I will also dance. I will push when needed, rest my body to rejuvenate for the long haul, and I will enjoy the people and love that I get to experience each day.
Because as my cover photo from Majdal Shams says in Hebrew and Arabic: “Why not?” Hope lives, always.
What is an agnostic? What is a Jew? These are questions I have been exploring in-depth lately.
As my previous blog post explained in more depth, my mother has a rare and aggressive form of cancer and my step-dad was recently diagnosed with an irregular heart beat as he collapsed on a treadmill. These events have led me in search of spirituality and more than anything, a sense of comfort.
For me, during hard times like my childhood when I was a victim of abuse, I searched for solace in Judaism. I remember as a teenager praying the words of the siddur alone in my bedroom, hoping against all hope for a solution to my pain.
Not only that, Judaism has given me a sense of community when I really needed it. In high school, I joined and eventually took a leadership role in my youth group. It gave me a largely supportive network as I came out of the closet as a teenager.
As a child in my synagogue, I felt cared for. And nurtured in a way that I wasn’t receiving in other parts of my life.
I showed my gratitude and excitement by leading monthly teen services and running the college chapter of the Reform Movement on my campus. I have led or attended Jewish services in at least seven different countries. I love Judaism.
So what’s leading me down this path of questioning, of doubt? It’s very simple. I see the pain and suffering in the world – the pandemic’s millions of victims, Syrian refugees, Ukraine, my mom’s cancer – and I wonder how a compassionate God would let such terrible things happen. And yet I’m not entirely sure that there isn’t some form of spiritual energy or being out there. Because certainly great kindness happens in the world too. And we have free will as human beings to practice compassion or to harm others.
I still find great spiritual energy in Jewish history, culture, music, and languages. And Jews have always been first and foremost a people more than a faith-centric religion like Christianity or Islam. There are even those people who consider themselves “agnostic theists” – or practicing Jews who are unsure of God’s existence. I would go so far as to argue that if you really polled most Reform, Reconstructionist, and Conservative Jews, a significant number of them would fall into this category. I have even met Orthodox Jews who say belief in God is not necessary for living a life following Jewish law, or halacha.
Must a Jew believe in God? No. I don’t believe a Jew must believe in God. And I think our tradition has a rich tradition of agnosticism, or uncertainty about the existence or nature of God. As the Yiddish expression goes – “two Jews, three opinions”. We are a people of debate, of pluralism, of deep and fragmented thought.
So if someone asks me if I believe in God, I don’t feel a compulsion to answer. Because this whole time I’ve been searching for a path back towards belief as defined by others. By the words on the page of a prayer book someone else wrote. The path that feels right is to allow myself a little doubt. A little uncertainty. A little agnosticism in my rich Jewish tapestry and to lean into that reality. Because someone who says he or she has perfect faith in God while a parent is struggling with cancer is frankly hard to believe.
I am an adult free to make my own decisions and my choice now is to live as a Jew on the edge. On the edge of questions bigger than I could ever have imagined when I started my Jewish journey. Where will it take me? I don’t know! And that’s a pretty agnostic answer.
Cover photo is from Sderot, Israel. A city of survivors, just like me and hopefully like my mom.
It has been a while since I’ve written a blog post. November 2nd was my last post, right before the election. It’s probably the longest I’ve gone without writing in a year. That’s ironic for someone who wrote a book during the pandemic. Writing is therapeutic, it is healing, it is revealing.
During the past few months, so much has happened in both Israel and America. The Capitol insurrection, Inauguration, the winter COVID crisis, vaccination campaigns, and in between all of those major events, I held a dozen different virtual book events. These events took place in order to engage the community around my book, More Than Just Hummus: A Gay Jew Discovers Israel in Arabic.
What I found was that during the darkest hours, staying connected to these stories and to Israel itself gave me a sort of calm, a deep happiness, a smile on my face. “Despite it all” as Israelis say. There are a number of reasons why I choose to live in the U.S. and not Israel. And a lot of reasons why I miss Israel and wish I could be visiting there right now.
What’s consistent, then, is that I can’t live without either place. And at a time when Israel’s skies are closed and I haven’t been vaccinated yet, I just can’t go there. It breaks my heart. I have friends I haven’t seen in a year and half, I have foods I miss, I have views I want to gaze upon. Yes, despite the title of my book, I miss the hummus!
I yearn to tell new stories from Israel, not the ones I’ve already written about. I want to explore, to meet new people from this gorgeous land across the sea. To have new adventures.
And yet we can’t. A number of famous rabbis are quoted as saying: “A Jew doesn’t despair”. So if I’m a Jew, where does that leave me? How do I accept the limits of my connection to Israel right now while keeping the flame burning for when I can go back?
I’m not sure. And in that answer, I feel thoroughly Israeli. Because one thing I learned from my experience there is that Israelis live in – and are rather brilliant in accepting – uncertainty.
I’m reminded of the time I visited Kibbutz Nir Am and Sderot. These are two areas that had been hit rather viciously with Hamas rocket fire and flaming kites that burned nearby forests to a crisp. I walked from the train to Kibbutz Nir Am and simply walked around. The place was almost silent. The crops nearby completely burnt to a crisp. And more kites were falling that day. I was a little scared, but I felt it was my duty to understand what these people were going through.
I finally came across a father with a 5-year-old daughter. I asked him how they were faring. He was honest – his daughter was scared and confused. He had to take her to school each day with fields burning and sometimes she had to hide in the bomb shelter. Not long ago, they discovered a Hamas tunnel going right underneath the kibbutz.
When I asked him how they cope with all the stress, he said with a mix of resignation and determination: “anachnu sordim”. We are surviving.
That is what it means to be a Jew. It is, against all odds, to survive. To do it in the face of deep uncertainty. Sometimes we truly manage to thrive. But we can’t always. Sometimes it’s simply enough to be. That is what sometimes defines success. Just like the Purim story we celebrate today.
On a day when I woke up early to try the completely defunct and backwards DC vaccination site – and failed to get an appointment – I suppose this man from Nir Am has a lesson for me.
I’m alive. Yes, some days are quite hard. And I think we’re all thoroughly sick of COVID. What a nightmare. And I can find gratitude in the fact that I’m healthy, I’m safe, I have a bed to sleep in, I have food, I have friends and family who love me.
So how do I stay connected to Israel during this time? I’m not sure. I talk to friends, I listen to music, I watch TV shows. And it’ll never be like being there itself. I’ll have to wait.
Because what our job is now is not to travel, is not to explore- it’s to survive for the day when we can do that again. It’s to care for each other. And in doing so, to find a sense of purpose amidst the chaos.
Shabbat shalom and chag sameach – have a hope-filled holiday. We survived in ancient Persia and we’ll do it again.
Planting Roots Bearing Fruits 
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